“I’ll be happy when..”
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Have you ever caught yourself saying this? It’s interesting how we can sometimes think, “if I just have __ I’ll be happy.” Like __ is the answer to our life’s problems. How __ will just magically make everything OK.
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For me this “___” usually revolved around my body: “when I loose __ pounds, I’ll be happy. When I do this pose or fit into ___, I’ll be happy.”
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For so long I thought these things defined me. I thought my body determined my worth and whether I succeed or failed in life, especially as a performer. But all this mentality created was self-sabotage, restriction, self-hatred, and a distraction from what was really going on within the deeper layers of myself.
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About a year and a half ago I hired my very first coach, a bodybuilder, out of desperation. I was incredibly unhappy and thought this might be just what I need, a good kick in the ass. For three months I was on a meal plan, eating the same bland meals every day, going to the gym four times a week doing two-hour workouts, and teaching yoga. Yes, my body was changing but I was miserable and exhausted! Any sort of fun in my life was removed and replaced with this obsession of following my plan and losing the weight. Then one day after a yoga class, it hit me – I was the smallest I had been in years but also the most unhappy. What the hell was going on?! This is where I realized, it’s not about my body. It never was. It’s about my relationship to myself.
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In the practice of yoga there are five sheaths (kosas) of Being; the physical, energetic, mental, intellectual, and soul body. In order to achieve wholeness, these five sheathes must be in harmony. “The aim is to integrate the various layers so that the inner divinity shines out as through clear glass.” – B.K.S Iyengar
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True happiness lies within you. It’s already there. You may just need to look, speak to, forgive, trust, soften, allow, nurture, and love yourself just a little more. Since that day after yoga class I have been working from the inside out more than ever, and because of this, I am the more aware, peaceful, and happy.
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You can do this too. I believe in you. Let me know if I can help ❤
